THE PROBLEM:

You spend significant time and energy focused on ‘getting DEI right.’ You ruminate on every conversation and interaction with BIPOC colleagues—worried you did or said something harmful. You feel defensive, hurt or scared if you get any feedback from BIPOC colleagues. Sometimes you wonder if you belong in leadership as a white person. You deeply value equity and justice, yet you are guarded and not leading at the level you could be.

The more you learn about DEI, the more confused you are: when to speak, when to listen, when to lead, when to follow, how to respond to feedback, when to share emotions and when to withhold them. You feel as if you’re under a microscope, trying to prove that you’re not like those ‘other (ignorant/bad) white people.’

All of this self-doubt, fear, shame and rumination blocks you from being the powerful and authentic leader you are meant to be. 

You cannot be authentic when you’re questioning every interaction and decision. You cannot lead powerfully when you’re mired in self-doubt. You cannot be racially resilient when you’re judging and criticizing yourself.

Maybe you’ve read all of the books, listened to podcasts, watched documentaries, joined DEI groups. You’ve tried to intellectualize your way through your challenges. The problem is, knowledge ALONE doesn’t work. It doesn’t actually change your relationship to your own thoughts and emotions about race and racism.

You may have also tried to become more responsible with your racial privilege by judging yourself harshly for any mistakes you make. Maybe you immediately try to shut down any biased thought you have by being really mean to yourself. 

This also doesn’t work. Internal criticism disconnects you further from yourself and others. Heaping shame and contempt on top of biased thoughts just buries them even deeper and prolongs your (and others’) pain.

But here’s the thing: Nothing is wrong with you. 

Research shows that white children learn racial bias as young as age three, even when their caregivers identify as progressive and unbiased. 

Of course you care. Of course you’re afraid. Of course you’re still a worthy human even when you have biased thoughts or unintentionally hurt others. Racism is in the air we breathe—how could you not inhale it after decades of breathing? 

Unless you’re one of the very few white humans who had exceptionally skilled caregivers or mentors who explicitly TAUGHT you how to unlearn racism by doing the internal work, you’re going to have these challenges as a white adult who values diversity, equity and inclusion. The challenges are exacerbated the higher you are in leadership, as you impact more people through your actions and decisions.

It’s not your fault that you’ve taken on racially biased thoughts or beliefs. This is literally the world we live in. 

AND, you have a choice:

You can keep doing what you’re doing (armor up, avoid, try to intellectualize or criticize your way through) which will lead to exhaustion, lower performance, disconnection from colleagues and increasingly painful emotions and experiences for everyone (not to mention inequitable outcomes that are against your own values).

Or, you can choose to learn the skills and processes to do the INTERNAL work that truly helps you unlearn your biases, restore connection and lead on an entirely new level.