Commitment, Courage, Capability, Confidence

Dan Sullivan has a profound framework that he calls ‘The 4 C’s’ that can be applied to any progress you make in your life. These are: Commitment, Courage, Capability, Confidence. His premise is simple: Most people want to feel capable and confident in order to go after what they want in life. However, there’s no getting to these without going through the very uncomfortable realm of courage.

I went through this exact process recently.

I froze my eggs. This process involves chemically controlling your hormones to make your ovaries grow as many mature eggs as possible so they can be retrieved via a needle through your vaginal wall and frozen for later use. This process involved all kinds of things I don’t like: shots, blood draws, going under anesthesia, taking lots of prescriptions. I’m in awe of folks who self-inject daily for their health needs and women who’ve done IVF.

Here’s my experience mapped onto the 4 C’s:

Commitment: After going back and forth for years about if I wanted to freeze my eggs, I finally asked myself the right question: What’s the worst case scenario? Wasted money. What’s the best case scenario? The potential to have a healthy child later on and giving my current relationship more time to flourish.

My WHY just had to be bigger than my why not.

Courage: The EXTRA SUPER HARD PART. As a lifelong ‘delicate flower’ with shots and blood draws, I was dubious (at best) about my ability to inject myself with 2-3 shots per day for 10-12 days.

In the beginning, I struggled. The medication stung and drew blood. I had to lay down to keep from getting woozy. I avoided looking at the needle.

And then, it suddenly became less daunting (oh heeeeey Capability!) . . . and then they added a second injection to my mornings (wait, what?) I went right back to Courage.

Capability: By the 8th day, I had learned that icing my stomach was the trick. I started to even enjoy mixing the meds. I even grabbed my injection pack one day when I was late to an appointment (speed waddling to the car with an ice pack stuck down my stretch pants) so that I could inject myself on time. I mixed the meds while driving on the highway. Not recommending this, but you get my point.

Confidence: On day 12 they told me I’d need to continue injections for five additional days. I shocked myself by not feeling too distressed by this news and watching myself put in and pull out the needle during the injections! The remaining five days of shots were no big deal. I didn’t feel woozy or dread them. I just did them.

When I’m trying something new and I’m deeply uncomfortable I just tell myself, “I’m in courage.” I named my coaching business Courage to Answer because progress and growth are a constant choice: the choice to stay in the discomfort of courage because that is simply the process of progress.

My guess is you could map the four C’s onto breakthroughs and achievements in your life. What stage are you in today?

Remembering Worth

I didn’t remember my worthiness until I was 36. I say ‘remember’ intentionally. I didn’t develop it. Or grow it. Or accomplish it like a goal.

I had just forgotten. I forgot when magazines, TV and social media told me I was not quite enough (good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, sexy enough, successful enough, loved enough . . . ). I forgot when authority figures criticized me. I forgot when love was given conditionally.

I learned to believe that I had to earn my self-worth through striving, doing, pleasing, accomplishing, always saying yes, not listening to my own needs. Without even realizing it, I made all of these messages and experiences mean that I didn’t deserve kindness, love, respect and big dreams.

I didn’t realize that I was living from low self-worth, however. I realize it now: I got into (and stayed in) unhealthy relationships. I people-pleased all the time because I believed that that was the only way I could be loved. I believed my value as a human was directly related to how happy people were with me.

Worthiness is–and has always been–inherent. I know that now. I was born worthy, just as every human is. No baby questions their worth. No infant questions if they are ‘good enough.’

We are just taught to forget what we’ve always been: enough.

It’s still a journey for me (I’m learning that remembering my worth is a practice, as most things in life are).

However, the emotional freedom that I experience when I practice worthiness is profound. I listen to my own needs, I take care of myself, I focus on myself rather than comparing myself to others or trying to change people around me. I set kind boundaries and stick to them. I take risks in my life and business because I know that no failure can change the fact that I’m always enough.

My vision is for every woman to know how worthy, badass and extraordinary she is.