White Folks: If You Do This, I Can Help
Hi my friends and fellow white folk!
Check out this list of common things white people say and do that undermine racial equity. Please comment below with your thoughts / to add more!
These go in order of more obvious to more insidious:
“I don’t see color. I’m part of the HUMAN race. I’m not white, I’m Italian.” [Colorblindness]
“I’m not racist, I have _____ (Black friends, Latina partner, biracial children, etc)” [Innocent by Association]
“After my sweat lodge experience/having a dream where I was an African king, I really understand what it’s like to be Indigenous/Black” [Just no.]
“That’s ridiculous! That has nothing to do with race.” [Defensiveness]
When a BIPOC confides in you about a microaggression: “I think you’re overreacting. They didn’t mean it that way.” [Gaslighting]
“As a queer white woman, I understand what it’s like to be racially oppressed.” [Centering Whiteness; Erasure]
Bursting into tears when someone names your bias [White Fragility]
“My parent/uncle/colleague REALLY needs to hear this.” [Deflection]
“I don’t know enough to speak on that (any racial topic).” [Avoidance; perpetuates the false idea that race is only something that BIPOC have and that whiteness is default].
“I am an ally/accomplice to BIPOC” [Desire to be Seen as a ‘Good’ White Person]. Allyship is ongoing, humble and a verb. It’s not a title, nor self-proclaimed.
A foundation/board/nonprofit/school district/company composed of white leaders making decisions for communities of Color [White Saviorism]
You’re in a team meeting and someone has shared their emotional response to a racist incident: “Well, Black boys make up 8% of K-12 students in the US population, but 18% of those who are expelled.” [Intellectualizing]. Please hear me: data and stats on racism are incredibly important to know and share. However, it’s very common for white people to default to intellectual conversations about racism instead of engaging with the emotions of ourselves or others. Becoming racially resilient white people requires that we engage emotionally, not only intellectually.
“We just can’t find any qualified candidates of Color for this role.” [Insidious Racism, Patently Untrue]
“I’m going to side with Zoe [WOC] on this (when I actually disagree)” [White Guilt]. This one is tricky. White guilt can manifest as constantly deferring to People of Color. When white people don’t criticize, disagree, challenge or question BIPOC colleagues the way we would other white colleagues, that’s also racism. We can’t have genuine relationships when we defer due to white guilt.
“I’m trying to be more racially aware. Can you tell me if I say or do something biased (to BIPOC)?” [Teach Me]. There’s a long history of white people expecting/demanding BIPOC to teach us about our own racism (and even whiteness). My personal belief is that each person gets to decide their own capacity and desire to help others learn and grow. This could range from zero capacity or desire to educate people about their privilege to dedicating entire lives and careers to this aim. HOWEVER, be very mindful as a white person WHO you are asking to help you grow. There must be true consent, here. Have you worked with/learned from other white people to learn as much as you can?
Please know, I’ve done most (if not all) of these things, so there is no judgment here. I find that it’s common for white people to become confused, scared and anxious as we learn more about our own whiteness and racism and attempt to act differently. Sometimes we feel trapped in seemingly contradictory advice. However, it’s CRITICAL that we develop tolerance to our emotional discomfort and continue to learn, engage and grow (to develop what I call white racial resilience).
If you’re a white leader at any level who cares about racial equity, but you find yourself doing any of the above, I can help you. My approach is anchored in self-compassion and non-judgment, because that’s how we can actually CHANGE deeply rooted beliefs and patterns that we’ve inherited and learned as white people.
