I’m Good. And Also Racially Biased.

“It was the longest run of my life.”

A young white woman told me about a DEI training she went to. The facilitator said, by virtue of living in racist world, all white people are racially biased.

After the training the young woman ran for miles.

I did something similar when I started coming to terms with my own racial bias. I sat in the forest painting a girl with a wide-open screaming mouth and a gaping hole inside of her. Blood on her hands. I remember feeling empty, powerless, distraught.

I had thought just being a well-intentioned, progressive white woman was enough to enact change. I didn’t know what to do or how to act. My entire self-image was shaken.

Once we pull back the curtain on the reality of white supremacy and are introduced to the idea that we are not separate from it, we predictable do one of two things (see also RobinDiAngelo’s work on “the good/bad binary,” where my initial learning on these concepts originated):

1: Believe we are separate from the system of racism and therefore cannot be racist.

This results in not exploring our racism or trying to change it. We are highly adept at pointing out racist systems or blatantly racist acts, but we believe they have nothing to do with us. We become entrenched and defensive. We aren’t authentic or productive in cross-racial spaces.

2: Acknowledge we are racially biased and spiral into shame as we desperately try to prove to ourselves and others that we are still “good.”

This often looks like a lot of emotion, fragility and tears, performative words/actions, policing other white people to show that we are “one of the good ones,” a lot of urgency to “fix” racism (e.g. white arrogance), desiring a lot of validation from People of Color, etc. We aren’t authentic in this option either, because we are motivated (consciously or not) from a desire for POC to deem us “worthy” so we can feel good about ourselves. We may also not yet realize that dismantling White Supremacy also benefits us.

I was in #2 for many years.

3. Here’s a third option: We white women can be BOTH good people AND have deeply embedded racism.

(If you’re a white woman and you read that sentence and felt an emotional response in your body, that’s your sign that you don’t yet believe both can be true at once).

Once we understand that both can be true at once, we can get out of shame and start our own work.

I help white people get to the third option much more quickly than I did.

We:
- develop resilience to guilt and shame
- give ourselves the validation and love that we are desperately seeking
- hold ourselves accountable from a place of love
- build an authentic and productive white racial identity that is aligned to our values of racial justice and DEI.

We can be part of the solution, but it starts from the inside. Don’t stay in option two. I can promise that you’ll be much more productive in your equity efforts (AND feel much better) when you embrace the third option.