Love Over Lack: A Powerful Shift in Motivation
Have you ever experienced a moment of clarity that completely revolutionized your approach to behavior change? I recently had such an epiphany. I discovered that when my motivation for change is rooted in a deep and genuine love for myself, I not only take action but also follow through and sustain the change. Conversely, when I attempt to make changes from a place of scarcity, lack, or self-criticism, it's like shooting myself in both feet.
I suspect many of you can relate to this struggle. Think about the times when you decided to make a significant change in your life, only to have it fizzle out and fade away. Now, consider those times when you managed to create meaningful, lasting change. I'd be willing to bet that those lasting changes were driven by a compelling motivator – a motivator born out of love.
Before I delve into my epiphany, let me provide some context. I've been on a journey to shift from a scarcity mindset to an abundance mindset. I realized that my scarcity/lack mindset has affected almost every area of my life; relationships, career, finance, and most importantly, my relationship with myself. Over the past year especially, I have actively worked to shift my motivators.
Here are two recent examples of how I managed to shift from a mindset of lack and scarcity to one of abundance and love. These shifts in motivation have been instrumental in supporting the lasting changes I wanted to make.
Example 1: Exercising Consistently and Not Hating It
‘Lack’ Motivator: Changing my appearance. For years, my motivation for exercise was solely about changing how my body looked. I wanted to alter this or shrink that. This motivation was rooted in dissatisfaction with my appearance, and as you might guess, it yielded minimal results and maximum dissatisfaction. I'd work out diligently, return home, see no change, and feel constant frustration. I was self-conscious, self-critical, and found no joy in exercising.
‘Love’ Motivator: Feeling strong and staying mobile. Over the past two years, I redirected my motivation from my appearance (e.g., dissatisfaction with my looks) to strength and functional movement (e.g., how I feel and my love for my current and future selves). Now, I work out to feel strong, capable, and vibrant. I envision a future where I can keep up with my grandchildren. This shift in perspective keeps me consistent in my workouts, and I celebrate my strength. Frustration and self-consciousness are now rare visitors in the gym.
Example 2: Being in a Healthy and Loving Relationship
‘Lack’ Motivator: This relationship might be the best there is for me. Before I found my current partner, I had been in a series of unhealthy relationships stretching back about twenty years. Part of the reason I stayed, even when being treated poorly, was the fear that perhaps I was somehow broken or unlovable. I convinced myself that these toxic relationships were all I deserved. Despite being anxious, insecure, fearful, and resentful, I was afraid to initiate a break-up for fear that I would discover that there really wasn’t anything better in store for me. These deep-seated beliefs kept me trapped in unhealthy relationships for years.
‘Love’ Motivator: There is more for me than this. I chose to trust that–even if it meant finding love late in life or being single for a long time–I would find a loving partner. Choosing to trust that a healthier and more loving partnership was possible allowed me to break free from the destructive cycles that had haunted me for two decades. I healed, learned to love myself, and eventually recognized and chose a healthy and loving relationship at the age of 36. Even more empowering, if my current relationship were ever to end, I wouldn't doubt my worth or lovability.
Let’s apply this concept to your life:
In which areas of your life are you currently operating from a place of lack or scarcity when you could be coming from a place of abundance and self-love?
What would change for you if you shifted your motivation?
What could become possible in your life?
The transformative power of love as a motivator cannot be understated. It's a journey that's truly worth embarking on, and I firmly believe that you can make all the changes you desire in your life when you choose love as your motivating force.
